can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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