we're chasing vodka with high fives
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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