have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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