I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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