how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
