I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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