apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
