I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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