What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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