So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
