you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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