Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
