Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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