Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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