How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
