she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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