yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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