I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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