So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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