I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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