So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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