we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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