how can u be prego again
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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