I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
