Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
