piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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