Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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