Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think my moral compass just broke
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
