So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
