my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
