Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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