I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
