i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
