The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
