he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
