I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
