you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
