Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
