How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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