there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
