i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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