A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
