I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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