How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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