I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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