He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
