need another drink. this is the easiest way
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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