At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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