i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
