She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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