if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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