i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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