Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
