the day after is always just damage control
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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