I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
