So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
