you would pick up someone in the library
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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