only if we run a train.
done.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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